Over spring break I finally visited Fremont high, which I attended from Freshman to Senior year. For one reason or another this was the first visit since my graduation in 08’. Feeling slightly weird about being back and not sure what to do, I went to the first place of comfort. Mr. (Tim) Shannon’s office, or as some would call it “the drama room”. As timing would have it, it was after school thus most people had left; those lingering were there for the musical (which means from all the schools in the district) also meaning most of everyone was unfamiliar. However, opposite to the door sat Tim in his chair while clicking away on his computer. As I began to approach him with out his knowledge, I noticed the drama room lacked it’s distinct smell and its loudness.
My mind flashed back to Melisa, Anna, Clair, Erica, and the many others who spent their lunches in the drama room, screaming, shouting, sometimes fighting, nonetheless always happy. My legs pushed through the presence of imaginary people, snapping me back into reality. Placing my hand lightly on Tim’s shoulder, hoping to surprise him, he turned blanked faced for a moment. Then realizing it was me, a great big smile crept upon his face and he welcomed me with a bright hug. I told him I had been good, that school was fine, and conversed about how longs its been. My eyes scanned the room for pieces of me and memories I could connect with; not much changed and I was relieved to find my senior portrait still on the wall.
I cannot say why exactly, even if I wanted to, but I felt at a loss for words. I told Tim that I would be back shortly but that I just wanted to say hi to Ms. Liu before she left. Shannon demanded I come see him soon, and if not to meet him for coffee along with the other drama alumni the next day since he was leaving in fifteen minutes or so. Agreeing to such plans, I left.
I couldn’t shake off this strange feeling. Roaming the halls I became, homesick. Thats not the word I’m looking for but it will do for now. I thought about the first day I ever met Mr. Shannon. which was really the second day of school since I missed the bus the morning of. Arriving a day late to high school and even more scared because of it, I sat timidly in class. Luckily I found myself next to Jessica, who was as equally obsessed with whip cream, Angelina Jolie and Fishnets as much as I was. By the end of the day I was starting to feel a little bit better. As we all sat in the red theatre seats, Shannon addressed me. Unaware of his full face, I saw him looking in another direction. I corrected him, assuming he had been mistaken me for someone else, saying “uhh, Mr. Shannon, I’m over here…” Jessica broke out in laughter and I couldn’t understand why. She whispered in my ear “Tim is cock-eyed”. He turned his full face to me and it all came into view. “I’m sooooo so so sorry” I kept saying. He brushed it off, finished giving directions and went off. A slight pause and I found myself in the present moment, laughing about the incident.
I never made it to the coffee the next day. I felt very guilty but dismissed it saying “I’ll just have to visit him the next break”. Now there is no next time. I received news that Tim passed away earlier today from a heart attack. I don’t normally cry, specially with death. I have dealt with this issues so many times you could say I’m quited desensitized. However, I began to cry for a good while. I again kept going through the many memories of the past: the time where we watched the Laramie Project in class since we were doing the play, all the moments he let me leave to the store accross the street to grab ice cream, when I auditioned for Juliet and it was between Lyssa, Melissa and I, his jokes and the way he would tease me, when he gave his speech about me during the 08’ phonies and I had no idea it was about me. This list goes on...
I have so many things left to say.
Tim: If you can still read this, I’m very very sorry I never went to the coffee event you invited me to. I should have told you the following day or at least let you know the chance would be small since I had no car. I know you wouldn’t be mad but I felt very guilty. Now I feel even more guilty for leaving to talk to Ms. Liu when I should have just talked to you, regardless of the fact that I felt awkward.
Nonetheless, I am grateful that I saw you at all. You were one of the most memorable people to enter my life and were one of the best teachers I’ve had. I always brag about how awesome you are. The first image of you that comes to mind always, is you with a warn and bright smile on your face. To be honest, unless you were yelling about how we needed to take things more seriously, which I think you’ve only done twice in the all four years I was at Fremont, you were bright and happy. With all your fun, you still managed to push so many students far and into a positive direction. You influenced so many, I included.
I wasn’t aware at the time but looking back, I understand how much confidence you gave me. When I didn’t believe in myself, you would pull me aside and say ” You can do this, don’t worry about it”. I may have not been the best actress or ever have had the biggest roles, but when I was around you I felt bigger. When you presented the Gypsy Robe Award, that was a sure confirmation that you had seen something larger with in me than I could not see in my own self. I may have not been shy either, but still, you gave me a lot of balls. Every time I’ve ever auditioned I thought of you and still do, which will continue in the future as well. You are one more reason for me to push through and keep my eyes on the goal. You wrote my letter of recommendation, you always made me feel so unique, special and welcomed. You gave me the chance to experience high school the best way possible. I regret nothing of it.
Again, I’m sorry I didn’t converse more with you. I took for granted your presence. I wish I told you about all the roles I’ve had, the things I’ve learned. I wanted to show you my progress as an actress, I wanted to let you know that all this was because of you and your the seed you planted while teaching. Thank you for all the many memories, you will not be forgotten because you will always be felt.
We love and miss you.
Oh and Mr. Shannon, I’m sure you’ll be proud to know that I took improv and broke through many walls!I took improv! And did well! I hope one day we can play lovely theatre games again. RIP.
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